Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Actually, fuck it, let’s. We watched this 11 minute video filmed in Galway called "what's your biggest regret" First I wanted to say zero, none. I could never fully regret anything as everything I have done has led me here. But really? I was just saying I regret not traveling this week. And then there has to be others. Psh, no regrets. I wouldn't have maybe not taken that "last run" Hunter mountain and NOT dislocated my shoulder? I wouldn't have maybe not chopped all my hair off when I was 17 as I already had 90 other things that made me look like a boy? I wouldn't have drank just a little less in Amsterdam? (Our trip was The Hangover, but instead of seeing pictures and thinking “oh yea! that happened!” we saw the pictures and thought “what. when did THAT happen?!”). So, ok, a few of regrets, but whatryagonnado. They happened. You probably could have done better for yourself or others, but you didn't. Get over it. "whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should (I feel like I should credit this quote to Ape)." You have to let things go. I've started to care about the right things this year. And by doing so, I've started to care about a lot less, overall. And it's been a much lighter year because of it.

One lady in the film answered "I should have started living for joy sooner" She was middle aged, 40's or so. Doesn't this happen all the time? The familiar story of middle aged people saying fuck this and finding the life they wish they went for? So we heed their experience right now. We are so young. Fuck up a little bit. Be poor. Some of my friends have found their lives already. House, marriage, job, dog, babies. S'all good. If we all followed the same path we'd know very little about the world. So I look to them to be my ground and rock and role model for a life well known and they can look to me to have someone to worry about, just kidding (except I know Ern will perpetually worry about me for no reason even when I purposely leave out the dangerous parts of my stories that I tell her. :) just kiddingkindofi’llconsiderit!). They can look to me fooooor nothing I spose. This is a totally selfish one sided relationship where I can know that good, solid things exist in consistency while I am wandering. But don't fuck it up, guys. Don't Cory and Topanga my faith in you.

I came to the realization this Summer that I'm no longer searching. I'm just moving. Live and let live and let go and move on, suck it up and "let the great world spin.”

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