Day three (Monday) we had a tour guide. Hollywood is an actor that spends a lot of time down here and is a friend of Col’s cousins. We met him down at the pool after a long run and our daily workout on the roof. It’s not all fun and games here. We’ve gone for a morning run almost every day and then foraged for those rocks down there to use as weights. Someone has to work off all the tequila.
We had missed volleyball signups so were just hanging out when Hollywood offered us a tootsie roll. I’d never had this kind of tootsie roll before and it might not have been just a regular tootsie roll. Col and I are not normally tootsie roll people, never have been, but we’re in Mexico and we just met this guy so it all seemed like a super idea; accurate. We ate the tootsie roll, strolled down to the beach and back and then a couple hours later the pool scenery started to get a lot more entertaining. Really, really entertaining, but also a little annoying and sometimes reallllllllly suspicious like. I was sure everyone knew we had just eaten a tootsie roll. “What’s this guys deal…behind me with the glasses, what’s his deal?” “why did that guy just tell us to ‘have fun,’ that was weird right?” I’m glad I’d never had a tootsie roll before now or else I might have been a total tootsie roll head in college.
After the pool we headed home to shower quick and then out to a birthday party, but not before Hollywood introduced us to crème de tequila. Cream tequila. Adios mio it is deliciouso. Anyway, onward. There is a little restaurant called Paco Miguels that is usually only open on Friday and Saturday nights, but they had opened especially for this party for these 20 people. We finagled our way onto the guest list as the first installment of “How to be the biggest asshole at a birthday party – staring us”
Step One: Finagle yourself onto closed party guest list, possibly even knocking someone off who is actually friends with the birthday boy
Step Two: Be aware of the fact it is a bring your own drink party. Don’t. But get hammered anyway, taking advantage of the generosity of strangers.
Step Three: This is a preset menu party with three things to choose from. Don’t care. Order off of it. Filet mignon, fresh fish, herb crusted lambchops? I don’t care, hit me with some veggies. And the chef did, bc he was lovely and it’s early and he didn’t know you were an asshole yet.
Step Four: Your veggie meal that you ordered off the closed menu comes out first, before everyone else at the table. Look around, make sure they don’t have their food, make sure they’re hungry. Then go to town. It’s a huge dish. And it’s delicious. It could feed the whole table! But it won’t, cuz you’re an asshole and you’re not even going to offer them a taste.
Step Five: Maybe the most paramount. You’re at this invite-only private birthday party for a guy you’ve never met. How do you top the laundry list of asshole antics you’ve laid out? Sit next to him. Take the best seat in the house right next to birthday boy, what’s his taco. Now when they’re looking at birthday boy, they’re looking at you. And they’re thinking to themselves “who is that asshole? She ordered off the menu, she dove into her food…and I think she’s hammered…off my wine” Accurate.
This is all in jest but 95% of it did happen. The people down here are generous and welcoming and no one thought I was an asshole despite the succession of events that would have justifiably let them. Hollywood had to go back to LA that night for an audition in the morning so he dropped us off around 10PM. This was to our advantage as we had an early day Tuesday morning. He took us home, but didn’t let us go without first giving us what was left of the crème de tequila he had left as he couldn’t take it over the border. Ole. We contemplated taking it up to the roof to polish off under the blanket of stars, but passed out real quick.
Just another manic Monday.
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